Hit 45 pounds this week.....Edging my way to the 50 pound mark has proven a difficulty with everything that has been going on in my life lately but I am satisfied with my slow progress.
This week has been particularly hard because I had hoped that one day I would wake up and the loss of my marriage would just have been a bad dream.Today I woke up with a determination to do whatever it took to just fight for this marriage. The other half of that equation didnt think it was worth saving.....and I cant help but feel like I have been rejected as a person. That somehow what I have is not worth fighting for, like there are greener pastures to be explored. I wont lie, that hurts. Maybe because I love him so deeply that I cannot imagine loving someone with the depth that I do and NOT want to work things out. I also believe in my heart that it would have- if both parties wanted it to. I believe that God is all powerful and can heal all wounds and help any couple work through whatever comes. That is a truth that will never change. I dont understand why things happen the way they do. For now I am deeply sad and cant describe how my heart aches. Never the less my divorce will be final in two days and I dont want to do it. But I am only one, and I am alone in that desire.You gotta wanna. Sometimes the hardest things we do produce the greatest rewards.But then I guess this is one we will never see reach that stage.
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